So, by now you’ve probably seen our February theme: You Are Loved. It’s Valentine’s season and with that comes a whole lot of pink hearts, cupid’s bows, red roses, boxes of chocolates, Valentine’s proposals, and the question why am I still single? Not going to lie, Valentine’s Day is hard when you’re single. No one truly enjoys watching all of their friends get proposed to while waiting for a guy to even be interested (been there. A million times). We won’t sugar coat it – Valentine’s Day sucks for singles.
That is, until those singles get some perspective. Honestly, there are a LOT of benefits to being single! I know it doesn’t feel like it when waiting for “the one,” but seriously, there are, and this blog reveals just a few. If you’re single, you don’t have a Valentine, you’re miserable, and you’re looking for some help, then read on!
1. The grass isn’t greener on the other side; the grass is greener where you choose to water it.
You look at all the relationships around you, you see how happy the couples are, and you think to yourself, “I just want that. I want to feel that. I want someone to look at me the way they look at each other. My life would be so much better!” Girls, who hasn’t believed this at one point or another? And it’s true, romance does look fun! Couples do seem happier and their life does seem a bit more complete when they’re together. But how much of your single life will you waste believing that you need a guy to make your life better?
Think about it, right now you have full control of your life. You control your time and where your attention lies. You have your own bank account that no one else can draw money from. You don't have to consider another person when making a significant life change. You can do anything, go anywhere, be with anyone without having to check in with your significant other. You have to realize the value in that! As long as you believe your life will only be enjoyable when you’re in a relationship, you will be a miserable single. Not to mention you’re in for a rude awakening! Because just as relationships are fun and exciting, they’re also challenging and draining. They are a lot of work! It takes time, commitment, and prioritizing another person over yourself constantly and consistently.
“The unmarried woman or the virgin is concerned about the matters of the Lord, how to be and set apart both in body and spirit; but a married woman is concerned about worldly things how she may please her husband.”
1 Corinthians 7:34 AMP
As a single person, you can take the time that would go into pouring into another person to learn about yourself and grow. You can pour into your friendships and family relationships. Most importantly, you can spend a lot of that time learning about and growing closer to Jesus. You can learn new hobbies and talents and experience all sorts of diverse opportunities. You can discover your passions and begin pursuing them! Which brings me to…
2. If you want a guy to chase you, you have to be running.
Too many times, I see Christian girls slowing down their lives to wait for a guy to pursue them. They miss incredible opportunities to learn and grow in their passions because they’re afraid they won’t be around any guys that could be interested. First of all, that displays incredible lack of trust in God. If you don’t believe God can bring you a guy in any place at any time, then you do not know the kind of power He possesses. If He wills it, it will happen. Second, God has given each of us gifts, talents, and passions that aid us in the calling He has for us. Being single is THE PERFECT time to dive deep and grow those traits so we can better serve Him and glorify Him (read that 1 Corinthians verse again). We are not on this earth to chase after fleshly desires. We are on this earth to fulfill God’s calling on each of our lives, whatever that may be. We cannot prioritize finding a relationship over doing what God has asked us to do.
“But first and most importantly seek (aim at, strive after) His kingdom and His righteousness [His way of doing and being right – the attitude and character of God], and all these things (food, clothing, shelter, basic human needs) will be given to you also.”
Matthew 6:33 AMP
“Delight yourself in the LORD,
And He will give you the desires and petitions of your heart.”
Psalm 37:4 AMP
3. Stop looking for your perfect person. Start becoming the person your perfect person deserves.
Let’s get something straight: there is no. such. thing. as soulmates. Phew, ok. Glad I got that off my chest. Now that we got that covered, you can stop looking for your perfect person! Why? Because they don’t exist. You’d be wasting your time. Instead of scrolling endlessly through online dating profiles looking for “the one,” what would you do with your time? Grow your own dating profile!
Has anyone ever seen Secret Life of Walter Mitty? I’m not talking about the short story, I mean the movie (this might be the only time that the movie is relevant and the book isn’t). In that movie, Walter Mitty really likes this girl and he tries to “like” her on an online dating site. However, because his own profile is blank, the site doesn’t let him reach out. So what does he do? He goes on this epic adventure involving jumping out of a helicopter into shark infested waters, escaping a volcanic eruption on a longboard, climbing Mt. Kirkjufell, and becoming the cover for LIFE magazine. How’s that for a dating profile!
The point of the movie isn’t to go on all sorts of adventures to snag a girl, but there is a valid point to be made there. We cannot remain stagnant and assume we will attract all the guys’ attention. Not only does that sound extremely boring, it is also pointless. Rich Wilkerson Jr., pastor of Vous Church in Miami, Florida, teaches on the law of attraction. Basically, you don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are. If you are a lazy couch potato, you’re most likely not going to attract someone with fantastic work ethic. If you’re a gossip and a drama queen, there won’t be a lot of honest, trustworthy guys knocking at your door. You have to begin holding yourself to a higher standard, the same standard you would hold your significant other to. It’s like the golden rule of dating.
“So then, in everything treat others the same way you want them to treat you, for this is [the essence of] the Law and [the writings of the] Prophets.”
Matthew 7:12 AMP
Train yourself to have the attributes you’d want to see in another person. Read your Bible and begin practicing the things you read. Become the person that the person you’re looking for is looking for.
4. Don’t ask what this person can do for you, but rather what the two of you together can do for Jesus.
I think people as a whole tend to have the wrong view of relationships. We typically have a very selfish perspective, seeing only how the other person can benefit us and how their presence betters our lives. Listen. If you are a Christian, then a relationship is not for YOU. A boyfriend’s first priority is not YOU, at least it shouldn’t be. YOU should never be the center of his life, that throne goes only to Jesus. If you are seeking a relationship to make you happy, you have the wrong motive. When you find a relationship based only on happiness, a lot of things happen. First, the couple usually becomes very exclusive and slowly cuts themselves off from the rest of the world. Second, the couple begin relying on each other more than they rely on Christ. Third, the two involved will do anything in their power to make the happiness last. When it doesn’t, they blame the other person and the relationship crumbles. Then comes the monumental task of rebuilding their lives without the other person in it. This is NOT what God intended relationships to be!
“Now the LORD God said, ‘It is not good (beneficial) for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [one who balances him – a counterpart who is] suitable and complimentary for him.’”
Genesis 2:18 AMP
The very first human relationship we see is between Adam and Eve. When Adam was alone, there was only so much he could accomplish in regards to what God had asked of him. God forms for him a helper, someone who could work beside him and aide him in his tasks, or do another job so Adam didn’t have to do it all. Eve balanced him, complimented and suited him; she was his counterpart.
When looking for a relationship, you need to prioritize glorifying God over temporary happiness. Ask yourself the question, “Will this person and I together have a greater eternal impact than just me alone?” Can you two work together to reach more people, do more work, push each other farther, and accomplish more for God’s kingdom than you could on your own? Base your relationship on the foundation of Christ with the purpose of glorifying Him. When you have this perspective, it changes the attributes that you look for and most definitely changes the influence your relationship could have.
I know this blog was a bit longer, and I apologize. For this reason, I will end it here, but believe me when I tell you I could go on for ages! Like I said at the beginning, there are a lot of benefits to being single. You have the time to focus on the truths I’ve walked through and to talk them out with Jesus. Please remember ladies, you are loved. God is your first love, and His is the only one you need. Do not seek an earthly relationship until you’ve fully realized that!